Thursday, July 9, 2015

Learning to trust in His time

As the days go by I cannot help but to ask myself a series of questions about adoption and our decision to adopt. When things seem to be stuck and unchanging, I wonder --did we hear God wrong? Did we choose the wrong avenue to adoption? Did He want us to do international?  Did He want us to wait longer? But then I hear a voice inside of me that isn’t my own, a voice that calms my fears and doubts, a voice that tells me “you have done what you were supposed to, regardless of the pain and outcomes” the same voice that Has guided us through it all. 
John 13;7 says: “you don’t understand what I’m doing right now, but someday you will” and on this I lean on.

Over the 4th of July weekend we were able to spend some quality time away with family. My mother in law graciously found a place where we stayed at the beach, “what a view” waking up to the ocean waves, and a sunrise is truly something to be thankful for. It was a very relaxing time, where I was able to refuel my heart and soul, and I’m sure Jason did as well. There’s just something about the ocean that puts things in a different perspective or that simply makes complicated feelings tangible. I like to “attempt” to put my feelings in words but usually they come out all wrong from what they feel like deep inside. But then a picture can speak louder than all the words I can manage to say.

"ME trying to learn to take "real" pictures with a "real" camera"-Thank you Larry!!

This is the place where I feel I’m standing on right now. It has a breath taken view, there are many shadows and sunrays.  Waves come crashing and gravity takes them back, kind of like the storms of our life. As I went over the pictures I took during this trip (in my attempt to learn how to) I stared at this one many times and said to myself this is it, this I how my world feels right about now.

I know God created this moment for us, and placed us in this journey for a reason, it may take a lifetime for us to know the why of all of our tears, or we may not ever know until we are with the Father. But until then I will cling to His promises, and His love. Right now the waves seems to be crashing pretty hard and some even take us down. But like in this picture I can the sun shining, that sun shining is God, and one day ill get out of this pier and walk in calmer waters. In more certain waters perhaps, but until then ill get up every chance I get to grasp for air to keep going. Each wave makes me stronger, makes my faith stronger, and if that’s all I get from this, ill take it.

DR mission Trip, June 2014
-- On another note, I thought about the time I heard Gods whisper to adopt--- if was over a year ago, I was on a mission trip to the DR, and I love babies (I always have) and they seem to like me. So as the baby lover that I am, I picked up every baby I could, and held them close to my heart, rocked them, sung to them, some fell asleep on my arms. Then, as I looked into their so very soft skin, innocent eyes, gentle gaze. I knew, I could love any baby even if they did not come from our loins just as my own, and that’s when I knew I wanted to adopt. Because if I could feel this love for these completely strangers’ babies, I could love one or two, or more just as much and call them my own some day.
 So there is not doubt in my heart that God did call us to adopt, and for that I am honored beyond words, and continue to pray each and every day for that dreamed day to come to reality.

PS: I thank my husband Jason everyday for shaking the nonsense out of me, when I become desperate, and try to do things on “my own” instead of letting God be God. –

Friends everyday I know more that God truly picked this man for me, he knew exactly what I would need now and he has that, everything that I need when I need it(strength, sense, love, comfort, etc..). If He picked him and picked me for him, how can I doubt that he has a child picked up for us, and that He will make a way for us to meet him/her one day? 

I can’t imagine if he would of given me the man one I thought was the one…. He’s rejection is His way of protecting us, and leading us to what He has for us.  So trust in his rejection…

Verses that have spoken to me

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!”- Psalm 27:14

Because “God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgment” 2Timothy 1:7

“ For the vision is yet for the appointed time; it testifies about the end and will no lie. Though it DELAYS, WAIT FOR IT, since it will certainly COME AND NOT BE LATE”- Habakkuk 2: 3


With Love,

Sunday, June 21, 2015

On Fathers Day....

On Fathers day

As I spent sometime this week preparing for today, I reflected on the many faces of this day, the faces of grief, joy, pain, and emptiness that this day brings to many. We often overlook what it really means for those who are experiencing the painful faces of fathers’ day, and we shouldn’t. I am blessed to have my dad with me only a few minutes car drive away from my house, who is alive and healthy and who has a relationship with God (so very thankful for him giving his life to the Lord), or my husband who’s dad is only a few hours away, but also alive and a strong follower of Christ. But what about those wake today with great heaviness on their heart, remembering their father who passed away, or left. Or those who never got the chance to meet their father, or whose father never cared to have a relationship with them. Or those who chose to be away from their father because regardless of their presence they were not the father they were supposed to be and caused them a lot of pain and suffering. And lastly, (this is for my sweet husband Jason who I know felt this today more than ever) who so dearly want to become fathers, who dream of playing catch, or simply, who really do dream of sleepless nights with a baby by their side to call their own.

Today is particularly painful for us, we (according to what we thought was our plan and Gods plan) were supposed to be celebrating his first fathers’ day, but we aren’t. Yet I still choose to celebrate my husband, and if you are going through something similar to us you should too. Again, this is only my opinion, but in my heart Jason and all of the fathers who want to be fathers, and prepare to be one, are just wonderful fathers than any. In my heart he already is a wonderful loving father, to a child we will one day get to call ours, regardless of this child looks, gender, or origin, he will love this little one as his own and be the best father one could ask for; and in my eyes this disserves celebrating. Because the pain that he has right now, the sadness, is just due to the great love he already has for this child that he cannot wait to love, that we know and believe will be with us soon.

I have heard through the years people’s stories about their upbringing, and their daddy issues, (it seems that we all have some rooted deep in our past and life) and the big effect that it had in their life, and my own as well. But during a mission trip I had the opportunity to be part of I learned the following and hope you can take some from it. Regardless of how wonderful or bad or fathers were or are, they are not meant to be perfect, nor to please us. There is only one Father that our hearts so deeply need, a Father that knows us completely and accept us with our many flaws, a Father that created us so perfectly, a Father that DOES understand our every need and desire, a Father that sent His Son to pay the ultimate prize so that we could be adopted into His family.
If you on the other hand have anger towards your father, and blame him for many things that went wrong in your life, I encourage you to forgive him (he was never supposed to be perfect), and instead focus on your heavenly father, who will not disappoint you, leave you or forsake you!
Jason and his dad
---I don’t know you but knowing that the creator of the universe, and everything that is in it loves me like no other never ceases to amaze me.--- And know that Jason even though he has a wonderful father here on earth, also looks up to his father in heaven for guidance, love and understanding, and so can you and I. what better example to follow than the one that He has laid out for us through scripture? What greater love to show to our children then the Heavenly Fathers love?

Wherever you fit in this description with your father today, know that our heavenly Father, our “Abba”, our Daddy, loves you so completely, so entirely and wants a deep and close relationship with you. I never experienced such true love until I found Him.

My dad and sister Maria
I hope you can join me today and pray for those who have lost their children, and this day brings suffering, for those who have lost their father and miss them so much, And those who hurt a strange sense of loss for the child you haven’t lost but cant have, NEVER lose Hope…
To all of those who don’t have a father to call their own, look up to the one in heaven who already knows you and loves you so very much!

So to all of the daddy’s on the world, Happy fathers day, to all the daddy’s at heart (you my love) Happy Fathers day to be J.
And my earthly daddy- Feliz Dia del Padre!!!

Much Love on this day and every day,


Saturday, June 13, 2015

Soo.. Whats Next??? {In Our Hopes to Adopt}

So. What’s Next?

Lauras Graduation From
 Nursing School
It has been almost a month since we received the sad news, not a day goes by that we don’t think about it, about her. What did she name her? What does she look like? Is she healthy? So many questions that at end it makes no difference, but makes us hurt a whole more inside. It has been very difficult these past few weeks, given that I took off so that I could be home with her. I am now home with a whole lot of nothing to do, and without her.
Through it all we continue to have FAITH, and know that even though it seemed like she was meant to be our daughter, she’s not, and that God has chosen the perfect child for us. He or she is not here yet but one day (hopefully soon) we will be head over heels over this little one, and we will be able to look back with peace and reassurance at this very difficult time of our life knowing that God knew what He was doing.
SO what do we do now? We GET UP, we brush the dust of our clothes, and get keep walking, we keep going. I cannot thank those around us enough, for your cards, your words of love and encouragement, your texts messages, your calls, your company, your thoughts, prayers, and hugs. They mean so much more than you could ever imagine. --I was reading a book the other day, and something the author said was so very truth, when we focus on the bigger miracles or life, we sometimes forget the whispers of God of encouragement, and his presence. He may not have sent an angel to knock on our door with a shiny face to tell us that HE loves us and that everything is going to work our for His glory (even though I would really like Him to do so). But he sent His promise through the words of our friends and loved ones, you are the vessels of His message and Love for us, thank you.
We didn’t only suffered an emotional turmoil, but it also affected us greatly financially since we paid a very large amount for her living expenses that we cannot get back, and because of this and everything else we struggle to forgive her, but want to, and pray that one day we would be able to.
 {Now we do it ALL OVER AGAIN} and we will not give up on this desire and dream that we have to be parents.

I mentioned in a previews post that there is always loss in adoption, either a birthmother looses her child because of her selfless love, to give this child opportunities of a home, and future that she could not give herself. Or a couple, like us, when the birthmother decides to parent, either way someone always looses. It does not make it easier but when we think of the hearts of all of those involved, there is so much love in adoption, so much that I cannot comprehend, only God can, after all he adopted us as his children knowing our sinful nature.

Someone gave me this crazy idea, “why don’t you just ask people to repost your blog and adoption Facebook page, or share it, maybe someone out there may know someone that knows someone that wants to place their baby for adoption” …. Is it crazy? Maybe..… But after all God truly does work in VERY mysterious ways, so why not give it a shot. If you feel led to after reading our blog, share our Facebook page __ The McDowell’s Journey to Adoption,” or our blog to others on social media. It has work for some, maybe it will for us, or not… We don’t know, but everything is worth a shot.

+1, or 2
As for us right now, we started looking at other cases (birth moms and their scenarios, and the baby’s due date, gender, etc), if we feel led to after praying we send our profile book (Books we had made a while back when we started the process where its basically a summary of pictures and pages of our life), then the birthmom looks at different books and selects a couple. We have not been selected yet, but remain hopeful yet more cautious this time around.

I want to encourage you today, in whatever you may be going through, loss, grief, new diagnosis, infertility, discouragement, hardships, etc. Know that Jesus understands you because He has been there, know that He is ALWAYS with you, he is walking along your side, and HE will not leave you, and He will give you strength when you have none left, He will lift you up when you fall, and he will be your friend in your time of need. Like He has been for us.
Please continue to pray for us, for protection, for wisdom, and peace.

We thank you, ALWAYS, for your support and love.

PS: my email address is
If you read this and know someone that knows someone.


He's Truly my Rock .. I love you 

Sunday, May 31, 2015

In the Midst of Grief and Loss

May 31

It’s Sunday afternoon, and today I say goodbye to a very painful month, full of loss, of grieving, and tears. Not only did we suffered an adoption loss, or simply the loss of a baby we though God was giving to us while on this earth, but we also had loss in our Church Family. This terribly sad story made news I could freely say worldwide, a tragic accident that took the lives of two beautiful boys Dobbs and Reed. Though I never met the family in person I am part of a family they belong to “The Forest Hill Church Family,” and as scripture says, when one part of the body hurt so does the whole body. So as the body of Christ called Forest Hill, we all hurt for their loss, but also celebrate their homecoming to heaven to be with Jesus for eternity, and pray for their parents daily and faithfully to be covered with the Grace and love only God can give, and to somehow not let their deaths go in vein. Today a service was held for them, and I saw videos of this little boy, full of life and joy and heard his father speak of him with such love, and admiration towards his son that waits for him in heaven, and couldn’t help myself to think...
-- I want to be like him, like Dobbs, singing to Jesus as loud as I can and dance for him as I feel He deserves, to live life with such faith, that of a child, to believe that anything can happen and that God can truly do ANYTHING. To be FEARLESS because fear isn’t of God, to be COURAGEOUS and forgiving, like a child is, and to live life to its fullest each and everyday. Today I decided I will try and live my life like little Dobbs did, to lift up his faithful parents in prayer each and every day, because in the midst of such pain and suffering they never for one moment doubted in Jesus, and in His love, nor did they forget of his goodness. As Pastor David Chadwick said, “God is NOT the author of EVIL, evil was introduced into the world, and because of evil we suffer, and our body groans.”

It ‘s hard to think about our loss when a family just suffered this incomprehensible loss, but I have come to learn about God’s character and love, and about grieving more this week then I ever did in my life.

We have our friends and family to thank for your constant reminders of who God is, for your prayers, your thoughts, and for your presence. We have felt your prayers, love, and support during this difficult time in our life. We continue to thank God for his mercies and grace, for his constant protection, which many times is His rejection, for his endless love, and for his very PERFECT plan.

We have decided to let him be the author of our life, of our story, a story that is just beginning to be written. And like in every story that has ever been told, there will be tears, some of joy and some of pain, but as long as it is written by Him, I am honored to be part of it.

Never for a minute doubt in God and in His love, He sent His Son Jesus to this world, in human flesh, a man like you and I, so that He could live a righteous life, to then die on the cross, to grant us a place with Him in eternity----There is no greater love then this, that He would give His life for me, for us---

So I will continue to trust in Him like a child would, and be Still and hear His voice, to learn to follow it, even when the world around me falls apart, and the waves keep crashing on me, and the room is dark. He will give guide my footsteps in the darkness, he will be the rock in which I will lean on, and he will bring me out of the storms.
And He will fulfill His promise and give us the child that we so much pray for and love, because HE IS FAITHFUL, AND GOOD.

Psalm 46:10
“Be still and know that I am God, I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth”

-Praying for the Eddings Family-