Sunday, May 31, 2015
It’s Sunday afternoon, and today I say goodbye to a very painful month, full of loss, of grieving, and tears. Not only did we suffered an adoption loss, or simply the loss of a baby we though God was giving to us while on this earth, but we also had loss in our Church Family. This terribly sad story made news I could freely say worldwide, a tragic accident that took the lives of two beautiful boys Dobbs and Reed. Though I never met the family in person I am part of a family they belong to “The Forest Hill Church Family,” and as scripture says, when one part of the body hurt so does the whole body. So as the body of Christ called Forest Hill, we all hurt for their loss, but also celebrate their homecoming to heaven to be with Jesus for eternity, and pray for their parents daily and faithfully to be covered with the Grace and love only God can give, and to somehow not let their deaths go in vein. Today a service was held for them, and I saw videos of this little boy, full of life and joy and heard his father speak of him with such love, and admiration towards his son that waits for him in heaven, and couldn’t help myself to think...
-- I want to be like him, like Dobbs, singing to Jesus as loud as I can and dance for him as I feel He deserves, to live life with such faith, that of a child, to believe that anything can happen and that God can truly do ANYTHING. To be FEARLESS because fear isn’t of God, to be COURAGEOUS and forgiving, like a child is, and to live life to its fullest each and everyday. Today I decided I will try and live my life like little Dobbs did, to lift up his faithful parents in prayer each and every day, because in the midst of such pain and suffering they never for one moment doubted in Jesus, and in His love, nor did they forget of his goodness. As Pastor David Chadwick said, “God is NOT the author of EVIL, evil was introduced into the world, and because of evil we suffer, and our body groans.”
It ‘s hard to think about our loss when a family just suffered this incomprehensible loss, but I have come to learn about God’s character and love, and about grieving more this week then I ever did in my life.
We have our friends and family to thank for your constant reminders of who God is, for your prayers, your thoughts, and for your presence. We have felt your prayers, love, and support during this difficult time in our life. We continue to thank God for his mercies and grace, for his constant protection, which many times is His rejection, for his endless love, and for his very PERFECT plan.
We have decided to let him be the author of our life, of our story, a story that is just beginning to be written. And like in every story that has ever been told, there will be tears, some of joy and some of pain, but as long as it is written by Him, I am honored to be part of it.
Never for a minute doubt in God and in His love, He sent His Son Jesus to this world, in human flesh, a man like you and I, so that He could live a righteous life, to then die on the cross, to grant us a place with Him in eternity----There is no greater love then this, that He would give His life for me, for us---
So I will continue to trust in Him like a child would, and be Still and hear His voice, to learn to follow it, even when the world around me falls apart, and the waves keep crashing on me, and the room is dark. He will give guide my footsteps in the darkness, he will be the rock in which I will lean on, and he will bring me out of the storms.
And He will fulfill His promise and give us the child that we so much pray for and love, because HE IS FAITHFUL, AND GOOD.
“Be still and know that I am God, I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth”
-Praying for the Eddings Family-
Thursday, May 21, 2015
In the Search for Baby McDowell: Trying to Make sense of it all... of the brokennes...: So the day came, the day that all adopting couples and families don’t want to see it come, perhaps the biggest FEAR of adoption, a “a fai...
So the day came, the day that all adopting couples and families don’t want to see it come, perhaps the biggest FEAR of adoption, a “a failed adoption.” As we sit here with our hearts broken, our dreams shattered, and an empty nursery we wonder why, how, when did this happen. Why would the birthmom wait so long to decide this, why make it all so okay looking and sounding throughout the whole pregnancy to turn around and quit only a week before her due date. She decided to parent, why? We don’t know, we feel used, taken advantage of, lied to, but know there’s more to that then what we think. This system is so broken (the adoption one) and something needs to be fixed, for the families that give all (monetarily, and all) towards a dream to become parents. And there is nothing to protect us against this, against them changing their minds and us losing what we spent, paid, and leave us so very broken in every, and our families who also had hopes of becoming aunts and uncles, grandma and grandpa, all so very broken.
People said this would hurt, we knew it was a possibility, but we were so confident that God was in all of this, AND HE STILL IS, but nothing can really prepare you for such pain, and loss. So we grief the loss of this adoption, we grief the loss of the many dreams we had for this little baby that was going to be ours, we grief, but not without believing that something good, something beautiful has to come out of this pain- Out of this storm-
God promises good things, God promises that he will finish the race with us and for us, but he never says it will be easy and pain free. He tells us there will be sufferings, there will be hurt, there will be tears, but the comfort to know that HE IS ALWAYS WITH US, he is suffering with us because he loves us so much.
We began to question every move we made, every decision we took thinking it was the right one, was it wrong to have baby showers?-- was it wrong to have a nursery beyond ready for this perfectly chosen baby girl? We walk by a shut door that is just next to our bedroom all day, we try to ignore its existence because the thought of not hearing a baby’s cry come from it hurts deeper & deeper, like someone is stabbing a knife if your stomach and twists it every time we see something that was meant to be hers. Today we were supposed to pack up and prepare to take a 17 hours trip to wait for our baby, instead I’m here writing this, and Jason works… this is not supposed to be this way, but it is, and we will understand why one day.
I saw once that you cannot go through adoption without experiencing loss…. Well here we are…. Would the tears stop?... yes- (I hope)… But we know that we cannot do this alone, and so does God and he knew we would need people around us, to comfort us, to remind us of His plans that are farther greater then ours, to remind us that He loves us, to remind us of His word, to lift us up, to give us hope when we are running on empty. He placed wonderful godly people in our life I believe for this very moment and the ones I’m sure are to come.
---And we are so thankful for each and every one of them—
So what’s next? I ask myself, and this is perhaps is my way of grieving and dealing with things, I need to move on, and NO we are not giving up, not on God, not on Adoption, not on becoming a family.
We will continue to look for our baby, the one that is meant to be ours, we will continue to be each others rock, and we will continue to trust that God will provide somehow. Most importantly we will continue to have HOPE, to have FAITH, to BELIEVE in God.
He always makes something beautiful of a mess, out of pain, out of hurt. He won’t forsake us, he wont leave us broken.
We will perhaps never forget this little girl that filled our hearts (and all of our friends and families hearts) of dreams and hopes. We will pray for her and her life, but will continue to pray for our little one, and pray that she may be home sooner than later to fill this big whole we have in our hearts and arms that so dearly loves her, and wait for her.
It is with a broken heart that I write this, because I want those who have been following our journey to know what goes on when we get quiet and distant, when the questions come,- when is she coming? is she home yet?.
Forgive us if we are distant, if we aren’t responding, we need your prayers (our whole family does).
God uses pain to make us stronger, it stretches our faith, it draws us closer to Him, the one who is in control of it all.
Bible Verses that have helped us during this time