Learning to trust in His time

As the days go by I cannot help but to ask myself a series of questions about adoption and our decision to adopt. When things seem to be stuck and unchanging, I wonder --did we hear God wrong? Did we choose the wrong avenue to adoption? Did He want us to do international?  Did He want us to wait longer? But then I hear a voice inside of me that isn’t my own, a voice that calms my fears and doubts, a voice that tells me “you have done what you were supposed to, regardless of the pain and outcomes” the same voice that Has guided us through it all. 

John 13;7 says: “you don’t understand what I’m doing right now, but someday you will” and on this I lean on.

Over the 4^th of July weekend we were able to spend some quality time away with family. My mother in law graciously found a place where we stayed at the beach, “what a view” waking up to the ocean waves, and a sunrise is truly something to be thankful for. It was a very relaxing time, where I was able to refuel my heart and soul, and I’m sure Jason did as well. There’s just something about the ocean that puts things in a different perspective or that simply makes complicated feelings tangible. I like to “attempt” to put my feelings in words but usually they come out all wrong from what they feel like deep inside. But then a picture can speak louder than all the words I can manage to say.

"ME trying to learn to take "real" pictures with a "real" camera"-Thank you Larry!!

This is the place where I feel I’m standing on right now. It has a breath taken view, there are many shadows and sunrays.  Waves come crashing and gravity takes them back, kind of like the storms of our life. As I went over the pictures I took during this trip (in my attempt to learn how to) I stared at this one many times and said to myself this is it, this I how my world feels right about now.

I know God created this moment for us, and placed us in this journey for a reason, it may take a lifetime for us to know the why of all of our tears, or we may not ever know until we are with the Father. But until then I will cling to His promises, and His love. Right now the waves seems to be crashing pretty hard and some even take us down. But like in this picture I can the sun shining, that sun shining is God, and one day ill get out of this pier and walk in calmer waters. In more certain waters perhaps, but until then ill get up every chance I get to grasp for air to keep going. Each wave makes me stronger, makes my faith stronger, and if that’s all I get from this, ill take it.

DR mission Trip, June 2014

-- On another note, I thought about the time I heard Gods whisper to adopt--- if was over a year ago, I was on a mission trip to the DR, and I love babies (I always have) and they seem to like me. So as the baby lover that I am, I picked up every baby I could, and held them close to my heart, rocked them, sung to them, some fell asleep on my arms. Then, as I looked into their so very soft skin, innocent eyes, gentle gaze. I knew, I could love any baby even if they did not come from our loins just as my own, and that’s when I knew I wanted to adopt. Because if I could feel this love for these completely strangers’ babies, I could love one or two, or more just as much and call them my own some day.

 So there is not doubt in my heart that God did call us to adopt, and for that I am honored beyond words, and continue to pray each and every day for that dreamed day to come to reality.

PS: I thank my husband Jason everyday for shaking the nonsense out of me, when I become desperate, and try to do things on “my own” instead of letting God be God. –

Friends everyday I know more that God truly picked this man for me, he knew exactly what I would need now and he has that, everything that I need when I need it(strength, sense, love, comfort, etc..). If He picked him and picked me for him, how can I doubt that he has a child picked up for us, and that He will make a way for us to meet him/her one day? 

I can’t imagine if he would of given me the man one I thought was the one…. He’s rejection is His way of protecting us, and leading us to what He has for us.  So trust in his rejection…

Verses that have spoken to me

“Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!”- Psalm 27:14

Because “God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgment” 2Timothy 1:7

“ For the vision is yet for the appointed time; it testifies about the end and will no lie. Though it DELAYS, WAIT FOR IT, since it will certainly COME AND NOT BE LATE”- Habakkuk 2: 3

--HE IS NEVER LATE!!! --

With Love,

Laura 

On Fathers Day....

On Fathers day

As I spent sometime this week preparing for today, I reflected on the many faces of this day, the faces of grief, joy, pain, and emptiness that this day brings to many. We often overlook what it really means for those who are experiencing the painful faces of fathers’ day, and we shouldn’t. I am blessed to have my dad with me only a few minutes car drive away from my house, who is alive and healthy and who has a relationship with God (so very thankful for him giving his life to the Lord), or my husband who’s dad is only a few hours away, but also alive and a strong follower of Christ. But what about those wake today with great heaviness on their heart, remembering their father who passed away, or left. Or those who never got the chance to meet their father, or whose father never cared to have a relationship with them. Or those who chose to be away from their father because regardless of their presence they were not the father they were supposed to be and caused them a lot of pain and suffering. And lastly, (this is for my sweet husband Jason who I know felt this today more than ever) who so dearly want to become fathers, who dream of playing catch, or simply, who really do dream of sleepless nights with a baby by their side to call their own.

Today is particularly painful for us, we (according to what we thought was our plan and Gods plan) were supposed to be celebrating his first fathers’ day, but we aren’t. Yet I still choose to celebrate my husband, and if you are going through something similar to us you should too. Again, this is only my opinion, but in my heart Jason and all of the fathers who want to be fathers, and prepare to be one, are just wonderful fathers than any. In my heart he already is a wonderful loving father, to a child we will one day get to call ours, regardless of this child looks, gender, or origin, he will love this little one as his own and be the best father one could ask for; and in my eyes this disserves celebrating. Because the pain that he has right now, the sadness, is just due to the great love he already has for this child that he cannot wait to love, that we know and believe will be with us soon.

I have heard through the years people’s stories about their upbringing, and their daddy issues, (it seems that we all have some rooted deep in our past and life) and the big effect that it had in their life, and my own as well. But during a mission trip I had the opportunity to be part of I learned the following and hope you can take some from it. Regardless of how wonderful or bad or fathers were or are, they are not meant to be perfect, nor to please us. There is only one Father that our hearts so deeply need, a Father that knows us completely and accept us with our many flaws, a Father that created us so perfectly, a Father that DOES understand our every need and desire, a Father that sent His Son to pay the ultimate prize so that we could be adopted into His family.

If you on the other hand have anger towards your father, and blame him for many things that went wrong in your life, I encourage you to forgive him (he was never supposed to be perfect), and instead focus on your heavenly father, who will not disappoint you, leave you or forsake you!

Jason and his dad

---I don’t know you but knowing that the creator of the universe, and everything that is in it loves me like no other never ceases to amaze me.--- And know that Jason even though he has a wonderful father here on earth, also looks up to his father in heaven for guidance, love and understanding, and so can you and I. what better example to follow than the one that He has laid out for us through scripture? What greater love to show to our children then the Heavenly Fathers love?

Wherever you fit in this description with your father today, know that our heavenly Father, our “Abba”, our Daddy, loves you so completely, so entirely and wants a deep and close relationship with you. I never experienced such true love until I found Him.

My dad and sister Maria

I hope you can join me today and pray for those who have lost their children, and this day brings suffering, for those who have lost their father and miss them so much, And those who hurt a strange sense of loss for the child you haven’t lost but cant have, NEVER lose Hope…

To all of those who don’t have a father to call their own, look up to the one in heaven who already knows you and loves you so very much!

So to all of the daddy’s on the world, Happy fathers day, to all the daddy’s at heart (you my love) Happy Fathers day to be J.

And my earthly daddy- Feliz Dia del Padre!!!

Much Love on this day and every day,

Laura

In the Midst of Grief and Loss

May 31

It’s Sunday afternoon, and today I say goodbye to a very painful month, full of loss, of grieving, and tears. Not only did we suffered an adoption loss, or simply the loss of a baby we though God was giving to us while on this earth, but we also had loss in our Church Family. This terribly sad story made news I could freely say worldwide, a tragic accident that took the lives of two beautiful boys Dobbs and Reed. Though I never met the family in person I am part of a family they belong to “The Forest Hill Church Family,” and as scripture says, when one part of the body hurt so does the whole body. So as the body of Christ called Forest Hill, we all hurt for their loss, but also celebrate their homecoming to heaven to be with Jesus for eternity, and pray for their parents daily and faithfully to be covered with the Grace and love only God can give, and to somehow not let their deaths go in vein. Today a service was held for them, and I saw videos of this little boy, full of life and joy and heard his father speak of him with such love, and admiration towards his son that waits for him in heaven, and couldn’t help myself to think...

-- I want to be like him, like Dobbs, singing to Jesus as loud as I can and dance for him as I feel He deserves, to live life with such faith, that of a child, to believe that anything can happen and that God can truly do ANYTHING. To be FEARLESS because fear isn’t of God, to be COURAGEOUS and forgiving, like a child is, and to live life to its fullest each and everyday. Today I decided I will try and live my life like little Dobbs did, to lift up his faithful parents in prayer each and every day, because in the midst of such pain and suffering they never for one moment doubted in Jesus, and in His love, nor did they forget of his goodness. As Pastor David Chadwick said, “God is NOT the author of EVIL, evil was introduced into the world, and because of evil we suffer, and our body groans.”

It ‘s hard to think about our loss when a family just suffered this incomprehensible loss, but I have come to learn about God’s character and love, and about grieving more this week then I ever did in my life.

We have our friends and family to thank for your constant reminders of who God is, for your prayers, your thoughts, and for your presence. We have felt your prayers, love, and support during this difficult time in our life. We continue to thank God for his mercies and grace, for his constant protection, which many times is His rejection, for his endless love, and for his very PERFECT plan.

We have decided to let him be the author of our life, of our story, a story that is just beginning to be written. And like in every story that has ever been told, there will be tears, some of joy and some of pain, but as long as it is written by Him, I am honored to be part of it.

Never for a minute doubt in God and in His love, He sent His Son Jesus to this world, in human flesh, a man like you and I, so that He could live a righteous life, to then die on the cross, to grant us a place with Him in eternity----There is no greater love then this, that He would give His life for me, for us---

So I will continue to trust in Him like a child would, and be Still and hear His voice, to learn to follow it, even when the world around me falls apart, and the waves keep crashing on me, and the room is dark. He will give guide my footsteps in the darkness, he will be the rock in which I will lean on, and he will bring me out of the storms.

And He will fulfill His promise and give us the child that we so much pray for and love, because HE IS FAITHFUL, AND GOOD.

Psalm 46:10

“Be still and know that I am God, I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth”

-Praying for the Eddings Family-

Laura   

Trying to Make sense of it all... of the brokenness of Adoption

So the day came, the day that all adopting couples and families don’t want to see it come, perhaps the biggest FEAR of adoption, a “a failed adoption.” As we sit here with our hearts broken, our dreams shattered, and an empty nursery we wonder why, how, when did this happen. Why would the birthmom wait so long to decide this, why make it all so okay looking and sounding throughout the whole pregnancy to turn around and quit only a week before her due date. She decided to parent, why? We don’t know, we feel used, taken advantage of, lied to, but know there’s more to that then what we think. This system is so broken (the adoption one) and something needs to be fixed, for the families that give all (monetarily, and all) towards a dream to become parents. And there is nothing to protect us against this, against them changing their minds and us losing what we spent, paid, and leave us so very broken in every, and our families who also had hopes of becoming aunts and uncles, grandma and grandpa, all so very broken.

People said this would hurt, we knew it was a possibility, but we were so confident that God was in all of this, AND HE STILL IS, but nothing can really prepare you for such pain, and loss. So we grief the loss of this adoption, we grief the loss of the many dreams we had for this little baby that was going to be ours, we grief, but not without believing that something good, something beautiful has to come out of this pain- Out of this storm-

God promises good things, God promises that he will finish the race with us and for us, but he never says it will be easy and pain free. He tells us there will be sufferings, there will be hurt, there will be tears, but the comfort to know that HE IS ALWAYS WITH US, he is suffering with us because he loves us so much.

We began to question every move we made, every decision we took thinking it was the right one, was it wrong to have baby showers?-- was it wrong to have a nursery beyond ready for this perfectly chosen baby girl? We walk by a shut door that is just next to our bedroom all day, we try to ignore its existence because the thought of not hearing a baby’s cry come from it hurts deeper & deeper, like someone is stabbing a knife if your stomach and twists it every time we see something that was meant to be hers. Today we were supposed to pack up and prepare to take a 17 hours trip to wait for our baby, instead I’m here writing this, and Jason works… this is not supposed to be this way, but it is, and we will understand why one day.

I saw once that you cannot go through adoption without experiencing loss…. Well here we are…. Would the tears stop?... yes- (I hope)… But we know that we cannot do this alone, and so does God and he knew we would need people around us, to comfort us, to remind us of His plans that are farther greater then ours, to remind us that He loves us, to remind us of His word, to lift us up, to give us hope when we are running on empty. He placed wonderful godly people in our life I believe for this very moment and the ones I’m sure are to come.

---And we are so thankful for each and every one of them—

So what’s next? I ask myself, and this is perhaps is my way of grieving and dealing with things, I need to move on, and NO we are not giving up, not on God, not on Adoption, not on becoming a family.

We will continue to look for our baby, the one that is meant to be ours, we will continue to be each others rock, and we will continue to trust that God will provide somehow. Most importantly we will continue to have HOPE, to have FAITH, to BELIEVE in God. 

He always makes something beautiful of a mess, out of pain, out of hurt. He won’t forsake us, he wont leave us broken.

We will perhaps never forget this little girl that filled our hearts (and all of our friends and families hearts) of dreams and hopes. We will pray for her and her life, but will continue to pray for our little one, and pray that she may be home sooner than later to fill this big whole we have in our hearts and arms that so dearly loves her, and wait for her.

It is with a broken heart that I write this, because I want those who have been following our journey to know what goes on when we get quiet and distant, when the questions come,- when is she coming? is she home yet?.

Forgive us if we are distant, if we aren’t responding, we need your prayers (our whole family does).

God uses pain to make us stronger, it stretches our faith, it draws us closer to Him, the one who is in control of it all.

Laura-

Bible Verses that have helped us during this time

Romans 8:28

Hebrews 11:7

Mark 11:22-23

Psalm 38:15

Psalm 27:14

Isaiah 49:16

Isaiah 55:8

Roller Coaster of Emotions

A roller coaster of emotions

We got on the adoption ride knowing that we will have ups and downs, times where nothing really happens and we are on a flat road, then suddenly comes a hill with a fall right after. As we climb those hills we know that we have to hold tight to God’s word and His promise, and be each other’s fortress.

I recently read a blog about adoption (I like to cry apparently, since I look for readings that have that effect), but in all of the stories across the nation I hear words that give me hope, and advice. When we pray as we go through the adoption ride, I personally struggle with knowing what to really pray for. This has become true especially in the past month that we have received 5 different birth mom profiles; from which we have sent of profile book to two of them and neither one of them chose us. It sounds harsh, but we know a rejection is Gods protection, and even though we KNOW that GOD will give us the baby that is meant to be ours, it is still painful and difficult.  Our weeks sometimes go a little like this: our consultant Teri sends us an email with a birth-mom’s profile in it ( YAY WE GET EXCITED AND SIT ON OUR COUCH TO READ THROUGH  IT TOGETHER) we wage the pros and cons and get our hopes up and envision the rest of our life in 5 minutes, (It’s going to be a girl and because of the race may look like such and such, Jason think he will be a protective dad of his little girl, I imagine myself making her bows and buying her beautiful dresses) then we send our book with our entire heart and hope in it and PRAY that the birth mom will find in our book and in us what she wants for adoptive parents for her child.  Then we wait and wait and wait for her to pick a family, then nothing happens and she changes her mind about adoption (SADNESS). Next week another profile comes via email (YAY AGAIN) this time is a boy due in a certain date that sounds perfect, OMG mommies love their little boy and Jason would have the best time playing sports with him on and on and on we AGAIN envision the rest of our life in a glance. AGAIN we send the book and hope this time she may pick us. Thankfully she decided within a day of looking through potential adoptive parent’s profile books, and it was NOT US AGAIN. (SADNESS).

Three different one came through that we decided not to pursue for multiple reasons, but those two really touched something in our heart we never felt before. And we found ourselves praying for a different thing every day.

So we wonder- what should we even be praying for?

That we would get a new birth-mom profile soon? That wherever she maybe she is taking care of herself and the baby? That she may find an agency that can direct her to us? That the baby is safe in utero and so is the mom? That this may happen soon? That when she sees our profile she may see in us the love, home, future, and family that we can give to this child?

WE JUST DON’T KNOW! So we pray for everything, especially for Gods protection, for His Love to be in the birth moms heart, for Him to give her strength, for Him to comfort us in our waiting, for Him to keep the baby safe at all cost.  Most importantly for HIM to show us who that is, our awaited and prayed for child.   

As we wait we prepare too! The room is picked out, and the closet is getting filled with blankets that my mom is making nonstop (she’s so excited to be a grandmother), we have Jason’s baby stuff in the room hoping to pass them down.  We got a cute bassinette that my mom is making a cover to be soft and cozy for it that will be in the room VERY SOON, so that we may look at it and pray even more for our baby, and envision him/her sleeping peacefully in it as we both watch him/her sleep.

As the days go by God has shown us His provision for our adoption through the faces and gifts of perfect strangers (what better way?)

During our bake sale people came out of know where that we did not know and gave us money just because they wanted to contribute to our adoption fund, GOD IS GREAT! We are so thankful for such acts of kindness of the people that have contributed. From those who did the baking to those who bought the baked goodies, we know Gods hands and work are all over this, and in it we find comfort and peace.  

WE are praying that we may receive one of those very exciting emails soon from our consultant with another birth mom profile and that A MATCH will happen soon!!

Thank you for reading, for caring, and praying!!!

Love,

Laura

Hello Fall!

Fall is finally here! Our favorite season, the cool crisp air, and warm sunrays, cool mornings and mild afternoons! Fall brings a lot of memories to us, especially our wedding day! A perfect fall day the happiest day of our life to this day. 

We have no enter the waiting room again, as we wait to be matched with a birth mom! this is very exciting and nerve wracking at the same time. So in the mean time we will pray everyday for our baby!

This time has given us the opportunity to come up with different ideas to help our fundraiser.. 

1. We had friends and family donate "stuff" that they no longer used for a yard sale!! we started out by just thinking a few things here and there, to a complete garage full of "stuff" OUT OF NOWHERE.. We are so thankful with our friends and family for contributing in such way! our garage sale was a hit and were able to raise almost $600 YAY

2. Laura started an easy shop where she's selling charmed bracelets, this will be a slow process but we hope it will be a hit too with Gods help!

the name of the shop is :Glimpse of Hope Bracelets.. go to Etsy and check it out! or simple order one from us directly .. they are personalized .

3. SHARE SHARE INVITE FRIENDS AND COME 

 WE'RE HAVING A BAKE SALE!!! This Saturday October 12, from 2pm-5pm on our drive way :)  if you want to come send us an email and we'll give you our address! the more the merrier

Some amazing friends have stepped out to donate some sweet treats for the sale. So thankful for them 

We started a new life group that now meets at our house on wednesdays, and with it three new couples that are now part of lives, Forest Hill Church not only has given a stronger faith foundation, but many many people that we now call friends :)

Jason just had a birthday and we went to see his parents in WV and celebrated with them

Our good friends and neighbors got married!! more celebrations this month 

and our soon 3rd Anniversary is just around the corner * days and counting :) God likes to surprise us some how during this time of our life.. lets see what surprise He has for us this time!

Adoption is so different than we envisioned it, but we are so glad to be in this journey together! We both have hopeful hearts that we will look back at

this time and it would all seem so worth it.

We 

I stumble across this picture. It sums up what an adoption is! 

it reads: "In adoption a child is not GIVEN UP,.

A birth mom GIVES life, a child a family, unconditional love. 

she GIVES a part of her heart that will never feel whole. 

she GIVES another mother a part of her heart that was always missing

An adoptive mother GIVES a life and family to this child and 

she GIVES unconditional love

she GIVES a part of her heart to another mother

"For He chose us in Him, before the foundation of the world, to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love He predestined us to be adopted through Jesus Christ for Himself, according to His favor and will"- Ephesians 1:4-5

This verse speaks to us so much, it tells us how adopted us through Jesus, how He chose us!! Just like that we also want to chose and adopt a little human into our life, to love as our own! How Blessed we are for been able to do so