Learning to trust in His time

As the days go by I cannot help but to ask myself a series of questions about adoption and our decision to adopt. When things seem to be stuck and unchanging, I wonder --did we hear God wrong? Did we choose the wrong avenue to adoption? Did He want us to do international?  Did He want us to wait longer? But then I hear a voice inside of me that isn’t my own, a voice that calms my fears and doubts, a voice that tells me “you have done what you were supposed to, regardless of the pain and outcomes” the same voice that Has guided us through it all. 

John 13;7 says: “you don’t understand what I’m doing right now, but someday you will” and on this I lean on.

Over the 4^th of July weekend we were able to spend some quality time away with family. My mother in law graciously found a place where we stayed at the beach, “what a view” waking up to the ocean waves, and a sunrise is truly something to be thankful for. It was a very relaxing time, where I was able to refuel my heart and soul, and I’m sure Jason did as well. There’s just something about the ocean that puts things in a different perspective or that simply makes complicated feelings tangible. I like to “attempt” to put my feelings in words but usually they come out all wrong from what they feel like deep inside. But then a picture can speak louder than all the words I can manage to say.

"ME trying to learn to take "real" pictures with a "real" camera"-Thank you Larry!!

This is the place where I feel I’m standing on right now. It has a breath taken view, there are many shadows and sunrays.  Waves come crashing and gravity takes them back, kind of like the storms of our life. As I went over the pictures I took during this trip (in my attempt to learn how to) I stared at this one many times and said to myself this is it, this I how my world feels right about now.

I know God created this moment for us, and placed us in this journey for a reason, it may take a lifetime for us to know the why of all of our tears, or we may not ever know until we are with the Father. But until then I will cling to His promises, and His love. Right now the waves seems to be crashing pretty hard and some even take us down. But like in this picture I can the sun shining, that sun shining is God, and one day ill get out of this pier and walk in calmer waters. In more certain waters perhaps, but until then ill get up every chance I get to grasp for air to keep going. Each wave makes me stronger, makes my faith stronger, and if that’s all I get from this, ill take it.

DR mission Trip, June 2014

-- On another note, I thought about the time I heard Gods whisper to adopt--- if was over a year ago, I was on a mission trip to the DR, and I love babies (I always have) and they seem to like me. So as the baby lover that I am, I picked up every baby I could, and held them close to my heart, rocked them, sung to them, some fell asleep on my arms. Then, as I looked into their so very soft skin, innocent eyes, gentle gaze. I knew, I could love any baby even if they did not come from our loins just as my own, and that’s when I knew I wanted to adopt. Because if I could feel this love for these completely strangers’ babies, I could love one or two, or more just as much and call them my own some day.

 So there is not doubt in my heart that God did call us to adopt, and for that I am honored beyond words, and continue to pray each and every day for that dreamed day to come to reality.

PS: I thank my husband Jason everyday for shaking the nonsense out of me, when I become desperate, and try to do things on “my own” instead of letting God be God. –

Friends everyday I know more that God truly picked this man for me, he knew exactly what I would need now and he has that, everything that I need when I need it(strength, sense, love, comfort, etc..). If He picked him and picked me for him, how can I doubt that he has a child picked up for us, and that He will make a way for us to meet him/her one day? 

I can’t imagine if he would of given me the man one I thought was the one…. He’s rejection is His way of protecting us, and leading us to what He has for us.  So trust in his rejection…

Verses that have spoken to me

“Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!”- Psalm 27:14

Because “God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgment” 2Timothy 1:7

“ For the vision is yet for the appointed time; it testifies about the end and will no lie. Though it DELAYS, WAIT FOR IT, since it will certainly COME AND NOT BE LATE”- Habakkuk 2: 3

--HE IS NEVER LATE!!! --

With Love,

Laura 

On Fathers Day....

On Fathers day

As I spent sometime this week preparing for today, I reflected on the many faces of this day, the faces of grief, joy, pain, and emptiness that this day brings to many. We often overlook what it really means for those who are experiencing the painful faces of fathers’ day, and we shouldn’t. I am blessed to have my dad with me only a few minutes car drive away from my house, who is alive and healthy and who has a relationship with God (so very thankful for him giving his life to the Lord), or my husband who’s dad is only a few hours away, but also alive and a strong follower of Christ. But what about those wake today with great heaviness on their heart, remembering their father who passed away, or left. Or those who never got the chance to meet their father, or whose father never cared to have a relationship with them. Or those who chose to be away from their father because regardless of their presence they were not the father they were supposed to be and caused them a lot of pain and suffering. And lastly, (this is for my sweet husband Jason who I know felt this today more than ever) who so dearly want to become fathers, who dream of playing catch, or simply, who really do dream of sleepless nights with a baby by their side to call their own.

Today is particularly painful for us, we (according to what we thought was our plan and Gods plan) were supposed to be celebrating his first fathers’ day, but we aren’t. Yet I still choose to celebrate my husband, and if you are going through something similar to us you should too. Again, this is only my opinion, but in my heart Jason and all of the fathers who want to be fathers, and prepare to be one, are just wonderful fathers than any. In my heart he already is a wonderful loving father, to a child we will one day get to call ours, regardless of this child looks, gender, or origin, he will love this little one as his own and be the best father one could ask for; and in my eyes this disserves celebrating. Because the pain that he has right now, the sadness, is just due to the great love he already has for this child that he cannot wait to love, that we know and believe will be with us soon.

I have heard through the years people’s stories about their upbringing, and their daddy issues, (it seems that we all have some rooted deep in our past and life) and the big effect that it had in their life, and my own as well. But during a mission trip I had the opportunity to be part of I learned the following and hope you can take some from it. Regardless of how wonderful or bad or fathers were or are, they are not meant to be perfect, nor to please us. There is only one Father that our hearts so deeply need, a Father that knows us completely and accept us with our many flaws, a Father that created us so perfectly, a Father that DOES understand our every need and desire, a Father that sent His Son to pay the ultimate prize so that we could be adopted into His family.

If you on the other hand have anger towards your father, and blame him for many things that went wrong in your life, I encourage you to forgive him (he was never supposed to be perfect), and instead focus on your heavenly father, who will not disappoint you, leave you or forsake you!

Jason and his dad

---I don’t know you but knowing that the creator of the universe, and everything that is in it loves me like no other never ceases to amaze me.--- And know that Jason even though he has a wonderful father here on earth, also looks up to his father in heaven for guidance, love and understanding, and so can you and I. what better example to follow than the one that He has laid out for us through scripture? What greater love to show to our children then the Heavenly Fathers love?

Wherever you fit in this description with your father today, know that our heavenly Father, our “Abba”, our Daddy, loves you so completely, so entirely and wants a deep and close relationship with you. I never experienced such true love until I found Him.

My dad and sister Maria

I hope you can join me today and pray for those who have lost their children, and this day brings suffering, for those who have lost their father and miss them so much, And those who hurt a strange sense of loss for the child you haven’t lost but cant have, NEVER lose Hope…

To all of those who don’t have a father to call their own, look up to the one in heaven who already knows you and loves you so very much!

So to all of the daddy’s on the world, Happy fathers day, to all the daddy’s at heart (you my love) Happy Fathers day to be J.

And my earthly daddy- Feliz Dia del Padre!!!

Much Love on this day and every day,

Laura

Our little Miracle is almost Here!!!

We have kept this amazing news to ourselves for quiet some time now, mainly because of fear, of the many scary things that people tell you about adoption, and the countless yet unnecessary blogs I read about it. But we started this journey with you all, and because of your help and prayers we have gotten this far.

We have trusted in the Lord plans since day one, trusted that he would provide the way and will guide our every steps. And he has just done that- “1 Samuel 1:27” tells us the beautiful story of Hannah, the Lord too has heard our prayer and has a baby for us.  A baby girl that we have not met yet, and wont be born for another few months has stolen our heart.

WE WERE MATCHED, WE WERE CHOSEN, by a birth-mom, who saw God in us and decided to chose us to parent the baby she is carrying.  We got the call in November a few days before thanksgiving from the agency; this sweet birth-mom chose us (and not because of my pink shoes) she chose us because of HIM because of God.

We were speechless, motionless, and in shock, I wasn’t sure if I should cry, jump, scream or just sit there and play the conversation over and over in my head (which is what I did) As Jason got home, we hugged with such joy, and peace in our heart, “an unexplainable peace that only comes from God.” We then trusted in this plan, and were (are) over joyous, and over the moon “PARENTS TO BE.”

At the time of match we did not the sex of the baby… we weren’t really concerned about that. But our joy didn’t stop there, birth-mom wanted us to be there the day of the gender ultrasound, and we were. We met her, and spend some time with her, a few hours later as we stood in the sonographers room, it was right there in the big screen, what the sonographer called “there’s the lines,” her heartbeat her little perfect head, I held back my tears, because I knew this would be harder for birth-mom. But as I turned to look at my sweet husband my heart was full, his very handsome dimples were extra dimply and his cheeks rosy as could be. I then knew she had already stolen our hearts. Every day that goes by we thank God for walking every single step with us, for guiding us and protecting us. And know He will continue to do just that, until we hold our little baby in our arms.

It will be 1095 days a few weeks before her due date that we started praying to become parents, it has been a long rough road, with many tears, LOTS of waiting, and SOME MORE waiting. But all along God had a plan, a child, for us.

We have started “nesting” and preparing for her arrival, each and every day her nursery is coming along, and she will be what she already is, a princess of God, a little angel, OUR little miracle.

We will continue to pray without ceasing, for her to make it to our arms, for the birth-mom to find comfort and peace in knowing that she will always know how much she is loved not just by Jason, and me but also by her.  This little baby is so prayed for, so dreamt of, so wished for, and I know God has great plans for her!

Please friends continue to pray for the remaining time of birth-moms pregnancy, for a good delivery, for the placement to be full of God, and comfort, and for this little angel that has already changed our world.

“How can someone so small hold my heart so tightly, when I don’t even know you, but I love you completely”

Laura & Jason

Our Last Holidays without a baby? MAYBE?

A LOT has happened since our last post-

Were to even begin? the past few months have been full of emotions, great news, sad news, family time, life group time, and time for just us Jason and I to cherish it. As the days go by more people know about our plans and sometime Jason and I sit and talk and ask each other about peoples reactions when they hear that we are adoption, and we even wonder what do others think? and some people have asked us some similar questions that I am so happy to answer.

questions I get all the time:

-why are you so open with your adoption plans?

DO have questions for us? please comment on this post, We would love to answer them for you.. even if we don't know you!

A lot of people think that adoption should be a private matter because of "what others would think" and honestly we have live the vast majority of our lives concern with that, NOT ANYMORE! we are seeking to please no one but only God. we are seeking no approval, or disapproval. We have come to truly realize who cares for us and our happiness, and who simply should not be a priority in our life.

We are open about our plans and tell others just as if any other couple were pregnant, would you want to tell the whole entire world that you are? SO ARE WE, we're just a different kind of pregnant.. as Ive seen somewhere-- we're "Paper Pregnant" and we are full of joy because of it. 

Another big part of our openness about it is because so many people are struggling with Infertility, and have been for so many years, and they are doing it alone. Infertility is hard, and no one should have to do it in silent or alone. So we tell the world we are infertile, but rejoice that adoption will make us parents sooner than later, we know so because we trust in God's promises. 

 The best part about it is, we have found such great support from family, friends, and complete strangers that never imagined could have before. 

Friends are asking for updates... heres a hint: "PRAY PRAY THAT WHATS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW IS WHAT THE LORD WANTS, AND THAT IT WILL ALL WORK OUT". 

The holidays were full of surprises, family time and laughter. Jasons parents came down and so did my family. I don't think anyone can remotely imagine what holidays are like in our household. My parents speak little to no english and his parents speak no spanish.... just take a second and picture that... playing board games. eating around the same table, saying grace. YES it gets interesting, but we wouldn't trade it for the world.  

if you ever tried to get your turkey tender, try this: bake it upside down, we did so (unintentionally) but it WORKED, best turkey ever!! anyways.. food was great but thinking that this could be our last thanksgiving without a baby made it a meaningful one, and so will be the next holidays to come. our very lasts, before our very "firsts"

our Life Group at OCC

Jason and I host a life group (bible study) in our house on wednesdays and God put some amazing couples in our life that meets with us to study the word and learn about God. Early this week we had the opportunity to serve together, and went to Operation Christmas Child to sort boxes, toys, wrap, etc. We laughed and saw some beautiful moments that made us stop and catch our breath. little kids from parts of the world write letters, and pack boxes that will make their way to needy children on the other side of the world, a box carries more than toys, pencils, books; a box carries hope, meaning, love, and GOD. One little card took our breath away (we had to inspect them in case there was money that needs to go on a different pile but we put them back in the same box) a child painted his little hand and placed it on the card, and said to the child receiving it, when you put your hand on mine I will be praying for you. and i thought If the world could be like this, and have the love of a child, this would be a nicer place to live. 

Thankful for them.. always 

I got to meet with some wonderful ladies today, the same ladies that met in a different life group some years ago when i was brand new in my walk with Christ. This ladies were the first ones to hear about us trying to conceive and nothing, were the first to hear about our infertility diagnosis, and each of us took on different roles, and even formed different groups. I would have never imagined in a thousand years, that I would be: one, hosting a life group in my home with my husband, in the journey of adoption because of Gods calling, had partaken on a mission trip that changed my heart. God works miracles in our lives every day, and He continues to surprise me each and every day. it amazes me to see how perfectly he works things out, how each person that crosses out path has and had a purpose, some for just a season, some for the long ride. But each takes up a place in your life, in your heart that time can't wash away. 

I am so thankful, for the beautiful people that I have had the privilege to know, to learn from, and the ones that I have yet to know, because it is not by coincidence but faith that we cross each others paths. This is why Ive decided to let God be God, not question him, not try to understand Him, to not try to be perfect or control it all, but let HIM do it all. Its the hardest thing one can do, but the most liberating feeling to know that He holds the world in his hands, and that He will work things out on his time, and in His way. learning to trust God is the hardest things us Christians have to do, but yet the one that can free us from our worrisome, anxiety, and most importably our fears. 

So friends, please pray not only for us, but for all of those who are in journey of adoption, for the birth moms who have the hardest decision to make for them and their child ,and for those who are struggling through infertility to know adoption is a beautiful way to grow their family.

Stay tuned for HOPEFULLY extremely exiting news SOON. 

I pray for all of those who read our blog, to find a glimpse of Jesus in us and our life and to know that  in him there is love that you can't find anywhere else. 

Merry merry Christmas from this "paper pregnant couple"

Laura.

Hello Fall!

Fall is finally here! Our favorite season, the cool crisp air, and warm sunrays, cool mornings and mild afternoons! Fall brings a lot of memories to us, especially our wedding day! A perfect fall day the happiest day of our life to this day. 

We have no enter the waiting room again, as we wait to be matched with a birth mom! this is very exciting and nerve wracking at the same time. So in the mean time we will pray everyday for our baby!

This time has given us the opportunity to come up with different ideas to help our fundraiser.. 

1. We had friends and family donate "stuff" that they no longer used for a yard sale!! we started out by just thinking a few things here and there, to a complete garage full of "stuff" OUT OF NOWHERE.. We are so thankful with our friends and family for contributing in such way! our garage sale was a hit and were able to raise almost $600 YAY

2. Laura started an easy shop where she's selling charmed bracelets, this will be a slow process but we hope it will be a hit too with Gods help!

the name of the shop is :Glimpse of Hope Bracelets.. go to Etsy and check it out! or simple order one from us directly .. they are personalized .

3. SHARE SHARE INVITE FRIENDS AND COME 

 WE'RE HAVING A BAKE SALE!!! This Saturday October 12, from 2pm-5pm on our drive way :)  if you want to come send us an email and we'll give you our address! the more the merrier

Some amazing friends have stepped out to donate some sweet treats for the sale. So thankful for them 

We started a new life group that now meets at our house on wednesdays, and with it three new couples that are now part of lives, Forest Hill Church not only has given a stronger faith foundation, but many many people that we now call friends :)

Jason just had a birthday and we went to see his parents in WV and celebrated with them

Our good friends and neighbors got married!! more celebrations this month 

and our soon 3rd Anniversary is just around the corner * days and counting :) God likes to surprise us some how during this time of our life.. lets see what surprise He has for us this time!

Adoption is so different than we envisioned it, but we are so glad to be in this journey together! We both have hopeful hearts that we will look back at

this time and it would all seem so worth it.

We 

I stumble across this picture. It sums up what an adoption is! 

it reads: "In adoption a child is not GIVEN UP,.

A birth mom GIVES life, a child a family, unconditional love. 

she GIVES a part of her heart that will never feel whole. 

she GIVES another mother a part of her heart that was always missing

An adoptive mother GIVES a life and family to this child and 

she GIVES unconditional love

she GIVES a part of her heart to another mother

"For He chose us in Him, before the foundation of the world, to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love He predestined us to be adopted through Jesus Christ for Himself, according to His favor and will"- Ephesians 1:4-5

This verse speaks to us so much, it tells us how adopted us through Jesus, how He chose us!! Just like that we also want to chose and adopt a little human into our life, to love as our own! How Blessed we are for been able to do so

HOME STUDY HAS BEEN APPROVED!!!

Approval paragraph :) 

A lot has been going on the past few weeks since our last post. For those who don't understand adoption lingo that much this is why this week has been so important for the two of us. Any couple or anybody considering adoption has to complete a Home Study where a Social Worker meets with both adoptive parents separately to interview them, interviews them together, and lastly does a home visit, (not mentioning the countless amount of legal documents, background checks, FBI checks,etc) and this can be a very lengthy process it takes up to 11 weeks at times. But God is truly doing some work with our process because our home visit was done less then two weeks ago and yesterday as we were heading to a LifeGroup Connect to our Church we checked the mail, and there it was YAY GOD! our approved Home assessment, that states that Jason and Laura are approved by the law to become adoptive parents of one or two children fem ages newborn to 6 months. This is SO BIG I can't put in words, we are so grateful that it went by so quickly and smoothly, the answer to how this h

It says WE ARE APPROVED!!!!

appened so quickly is very simple, GOD! We sometimes forget how powerful and amazing He is, He is constantly reminding me to Trust in Him in everything with all of my heart and all of my mind and to not rely on my own understanding.
THIS MEANS WE CAN START LOOKING AT BIRTH-MOMS and actively start looking for OUR BABY :). this is so surreal.
On the other side of things, we were asked to put together a photo book (the shutterfly type), this book will be our profile book, the one that birth-moms will look at. Well after waiting for weeks for them, they arrived today! Once again, very promptly :).
We are so excited with everything that has happened and even more about our hope, our dream, of our baby. Every day that goes by we feel closer to meeting our angel, we don't know when, how soon, or anything. What we do know is that we are entirely in the will of God, and that He's timing is better than our, and we trust in Him.

Please continue to pray for our adoption, for our baby, and for wisdom to know who to chose when the moment comes down to it. We also want to ask you to continue to pray
for our fundraising that we would find the way to found this dream of ours somehow.
We are so grateful for everyone who has donated so far, and has gotten us to this point in our adoption, to access our fundraising account, copy and paste the link below :) we will be eternally grateful
http://www.youcaring.com/adoption-fundraiser/bring-home-baby-mcdowell-we-re-adopting/214735

Thank you for your prayers and support! We truly cannot do this alone
but as of now,
We will continue to trust in the Lord, for He is good, and His love endures forever!!
Jason & Laura