In the Search for Baby McDowell: From the heart and life of an almost adoptive moth...

In the Search for Baby McDowell: From the heart and life of an almost adoptive moth...: Hi Friends and family, It has been some time now since I have blogged about our adoption and lately many thoughts have crossed my mind ...

From the heart and life of an almost adoptive mother-

Hi Friends and family,

It has been some time now since I have blogged about our adoption and lately many thoughts have crossed my mind and thought I could share them with you.

A lot yet not much has happened since the last post, we are still here at home waiting with our arms and home more than ready to welcome our baby home. Yet so much has changed within us to help us prepare for her. Many people have asked me a series of questions not just about adoption in general but about our particular situation and I would like to share them with you. I do so In hopes that someone out there is wondering the same and does not have anybody to go to for answers.

Her Room- ready for Her

Best question that got my mind racing was: since I am “clearly not carrying our baby inside of me” how do we prepare for her? Well you see, even if I am not pregnant and going to doctor visits every so often it does not mean that I cannot do the same things a pregnant woman can.  I pray for our baby every second of my awaken days, and dream of her at nights, I worry (like any pregnant mother would) for her health, well being, safety, every second but take that worry and leave at the cross, leave to Jesus to carry it for me, to take care of it all. All of us women worry times 100, for everything that goes on in our lives, but through our adoption I have learned how much is in my control, which is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! I tell God my plans, and dreams, and He replies with – trust in MY plans- is something I try every day. And because I trust Him, I get up everyday not knowing what our birthmother is doing, if she’s okay or not, if she’s still pregnant or not, if she has gone to the doctor or not, if she still wants to go through the adoption or not, if the baby is whole and healthy, but instead of worrying myself to death I CHOSE to trust in The Lord wholeheartedly and with my whole mind. Is it easy? NEVER, but He tells us to, and I believe in His word, and in His love not just for me but for all of us.

So to better answer the question, well, our baby girl already has a dreamy room, ready for her to sleep soundly in it, to cry, to live in when the Lord decides is time for her to come home to us. We go to pediatricians office to find the one, I search and search for the perfect formula for this perfect baby that I have not met yet, because I already love her so much and want nothing but the best for her. so we pray for her, for the birthmom everyday, and we rejoice of hope and excitement like any pregnant mother would on the coming of the dreamt of baby. We joke about it been our last weeks of full nights of sleep, coming and going as we please, having the bed just for us, but who are we joking when you want a baby for so long and so much all of the so called"bad things" seem so insignificant. 

Which leads me to another comment... are you ready? to be parents? you're life will never be the same, you won't sleep and worn be able to do anything "FUN." well... this is hard to explain to everyone because not everyone has walked in our shoes and know the true desires of our hearts, we are as ready as we could be to become parents, we know there will be sleepless nights, running to the doctor in the middle of the night (hopefully not so much of this), leaving gatherings because of the baby, not being able to go places, but this is all so not insignificant when you think of the beautiful creation of a human being in your arms, in your care, to love and care for as long as you hope to be able to, the greatest blessing. I believe that giving your life to another being is further greater than sleep, gatherings, and the rest of the so called "fun." The fun is just about to begin- in my opinion!! and I cannot wait for it..

People ask us also constantly, well have you heard from her? yes, we are so blessed to have found someone hat we are able to stay in touch with every so often and get updates on her health and the growing milestones of the baby. But yet there are times that the days go by then its weeks and we hear NOTHING. My best explanation of this feeling is, sitting in a dark room, with no windows, all by yourself, waiting and waiting to hear something, whatever that may be, but something.  But on those days, Jason is my constant reminder when I fall short of Gods word, to continue to trust Him, that she is okay and that THIS is HIS plan not ours. He called us to adopt, He found this birthmother, and he has done it all.

And last yet the hardest question, can she still change her mind? ABSOLUTELY, every day that goes by she can, ever minute she has the choice, but we decided that this possibility wont stop us from enjoying this time of preparation to become parents in our life.  This is yet another reminder that so little is in our hands that we must trust without seeing, that we must have FAITH, because if we don’t, we have nothing. So instead of sitting around worrying about the worst case scenario we praise God for what will happen, so we picked her name, we enjoy painting her nursery, picking out furniture for her, tiny bitty pieces of clothes, even had a baby shower by our sweet friend and my sister. It is so true that a baby brings so much joy into your life, even before they arrive.  This baby girl is so loved, so wanted and hoped for that I know God has nothing but the most extraordinary plans for her and her life.

We want people to feel encouraged by our blog, to know that God is not just in all of it, that HE is walking along side with you, in the joy and the struggle. And remember always HIS footprints, whenever you only see yours in the sand, remember that He didn’t leave you, the burden and walk was too hard that He picked you up on His arms and carried you.

We are only a month away from her due date, and will remain hopeful and joyful with her arrival. We pray that for all of those other couples who dream of becoming parents and are struggling with infertility like we did, we pray for those who are hoping to adopt like we still are, and for those who will consider it one day. The journey has not been easy, God doesn’t promise that it will, but He sure does promise that it will be worth it.

Much love, hope, and excitement!

Laura- a mommy to be :)