Sunday, June 21, 2015

On Fathers Day....

On Fathers day

As I spent sometime this week preparing for today, I reflected on the many faces of this day, the faces of grief, joy, pain, and emptiness that this day brings to many. We often overlook what it really means for those who are experiencing the painful faces of fathers’ day, and we shouldn’t. I am blessed to have my dad with me only a few minutes car drive away from my house, who is alive and healthy and who has a relationship with God (so very thankful for him giving his life to the Lord), or my husband who’s dad is only a few hours away, but also alive and a strong follower of Christ. But what about those wake today with great heaviness on their heart, remembering their father who passed away, or left. Or those who never got the chance to meet their father, or whose father never cared to have a relationship with them. Or those who chose to be away from their father because regardless of their presence they were not the father they were supposed to be and caused them a lot of pain and suffering. And lastly, (this is for my sweet husband Jason who I know felt this today more than ever) who so dearly want to become fathers, who dream of playing catch, or simply, who really do dream of sleepless nights with a baby by their side to call their own.

Today is particularly painful for us, we (according to what we thought was our plan and Gods plan) were supposed to be celebrating his first fathers’ day, but we aren’t. Yet I still choose to celebrate my husband, and if you are going through something similar to us you should too. Again, this is only my opinion, but in my heart Jason and all of the fathers who want to be fathers, and prepare to be one, are just wonderful fathers than any. In my heart he already is a wonderful loving father, to a child we will one day get to call ours, regardless of this child looks, gender, or origin, he will love this little one as his own and be the best father one could ask for; and in my eyes this disserves celebrating. Because the pain that he has right now, the sadness, is just due to the great love he already has for this child that he cannot wait to love, that we know and believe will be with us soon.

I have heard through the years people’s stories about their upbringing, and their daddy issues, (it seems that we all have some rooted deep in our past and life) and the big effect that it had in their life, and my own as well. But during a mission trip I had the opportunity to be part of I learned the following and hope you can take some from it. Regardless of how wonderful or bad or fathers were or are, they are not meant to be perfect, nor to please us. There is only one Father that our hearts so deeply need, a Father that knows us completely and accept us with our many flaws, a Father that created us so perfectly, a Father that DOES understand our every need and desire, a Father that sent His Son to pay the ultimate prize so that we could be adopted into His family.
If you on the other hand have anger towards your father, and blame him for many things that went wrong in your life, I encourage you to forgive him (he was never supposed to be perfect), and instead focus on your heavenly father, who will not disappoint you, leave you or forsake you!
Jason and his dad
---I don’t know you but knowing that the creator of the universe, and everything that is in it loves me like no other never ceases to amaze me.--- And know that Jason even though he has a wonderful father here on earth, also looks up to his father in heaven for guidance, love and understanding, and so can you and I. what better example to follow than the one that He has laid out for us through scripture? What greater love to show to our children then the Heavenly Fathers love?

Wherever you fit in this description with your father today, know that our heavenly Father, our “Abba”, our Daddy, loves you so completely, so entirely and wants a deep and close relationship with you. I never experienced such true love until I found Him.

My dad and sister Maria
I hope you can join me today and pray for those who have lost their children, and this day brings suffering, for those who have lost their father and miss them so much, And those who hurt a strange sense of loss for the child you haven’t lost but cant have, NEVER lose Hope…
To all of those who don’t have a father to call their own, look up to the one in heaven who already knows you and loves you so very much!

So to all of the daddy’s on the world, Happy fathers day, to all the daddy’s at heart (you my love) Happy Fathers day to be J.
And my earthly daddy- Feliz Dia del Padre!!!

Much Love on this day and every day,


Saturday, June 13, 2015

Soo.. Whats Next??? {In Our Hopes to Adopt}

So. What’s Next?

Lauras Graduation From
 Nursing School
It has been almost a month since we received the sad news, not a day goes by that we don’t think about it, about her. What did she name her? What does she look like? Is she healthy? So many questions that at end it makes no difference, but makes us hurt a whole more inside. It has been very difficult these past few weeks, given that I took off so that I could be home with her. I am now home with a whole lot of nothing to do, and without her.
Through it all we continue to have FAITH, and know that even though it seemed like she was meant to be our daughter, she’s not, and that God has chosen the perfect child for us. He or she is not here yet but one day (hopefully soon) we will be head over heels over this little one, and we will be able to look back with peace and reassurance at this very difficult time of our life knowing that God knew what He was doing.
SO what do we do now? We GET UP, we brush the dust of our clothes, and get keep walking, we keep going. I cannot thank those around us enough, for your cards, your words of love and encouragement, your texts messages, your calls, your company, your thoughts, prayers, and hugs. They mean so much more than you could ever imagine. --I was reading a book the other day, and something the author said was so very truth, when we focus on the bigger miracles or life, we sometimes forget the whispers of God of encouragement, and his presence. He may not have sent an angel to knock on our door with a shiny face to tell us that HE loves us and that everything is going to work our for His glory (even though I would really like Him to do so). But he sent His promise through the words of our friends and loved ones, you are the vessels of His message and Love for us, thank you.
We didn’t only suffered an emotional turmoil, but it also affected us greatly financially since we paid a very large amount for her living expenses that we cannot get back, and because of this and everything else we struggle to forgive her, but want to, and pray that one day we would be able to.
 {Now we do it ALL OVER AGAIN} and we will not give up on this desire and dream that we have to be parents.

I mentioned in a previews post that there is always loss in adoption, either a birthmother looses her child because of her selfless love, to give this child opportunities of a home, and future that she could not give herself. Or a couple, like us, when the birthmother decides to parent, either way someone always looses. It does not make it easier but when we think of the hearts of all of those involved, there is so much love in adoption, so much that I cannot comprehend, only God can, after all he adopted us as his children knowing our sinful nature.

Someone gave me this crazy idea, “why don’t you just ask people to repost your blog and adoption Facebook page, or share it, maybe someone out there may know someone that knows someone that wants to place their baby for adoption” …. Is it crazy? Maybe..… But after all God truly does work in VERY mysterious ways, so why not give it a shot. If you feel led to after reading our blog, share our Facebook page __ The McDowell’s Journey to Adoption,” or our blog to others on social media. It has work for some, maybe it will for us, or not… We don’t know, but everything is worth a shot.

+1, or 2
As for us right now, we started looking at other cases (birth moms and their scenarios, and the baby’s due date, gender, etc), if we feel led to after praying we send our profile book (Books we had made a while back when we started the process where its basically a summary of pictures and pages of our life), then the birthmom looks at different books and selects a couple. We have not been selected yet, but remain hopeful yet more cautious this time around.

I want to encourage you today, in whatever you may be going through, loss, grief, new diagnosis, infertility, discouragement, hardships, etc. Know that Jesus understands you because He has been there, know that He is ALWAYS with you, he is walking along your side, and HE will not leave you, and He will give you strength when you have none left, He will lift you up when you fall, and he will be your friend in your time of need. Like He has been for us.
Please continue to pray for us, for protection, for wisdom, and peace.

We thank you, ALWAYS, for your support and love.

PS: my email address is
If you read this and know someone that knows someone.


He's Truly my Rock .. I love you