As the days go by I cannot help but to ask myself a series
of questions about adoption and our decision to adopt. When things seem to be
stuck and unchanging, I wonder --did we hear God wrong? Did we choose the wrong
avenue to adoption? Did He want us to do international? Did He want us to wait longer? But then I
hear a voice inside of me that isn’t my own, a voice that calms my fears and
doubts, a voice that tells me “you have done what you were supposed to, regardless
of the pain and outcomes” the same voice that Has guided us through it all.
John 13;7 says:
“you don’t understand what I’m doing right now, but someday you will” and on
this I lean on.
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Over the 4th of July weekend we were able to
spend some quality time away with family. My mother in law graciously found a
place where we stayed at the beach, “what a view” waking up to the ocean waves,
and a sunrise is truly something to be thankful for. It was a very relaxing
time, where I was able to refuel my heart and soul, and I’m sure Jason did as
well. There’s just something about the ocean that puts things in a different
perspective or that simply makes complicated feelings tangible. I like to
“attempt” to put my feelings in words but usually they come out all wrong from
what they feel like deep inside. But then a picture can speak louder than all
the words I can manage to say.
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| "ME trying to learn to take "real" pictures with a "real" camera"-Thank you Larry!! |
This is the place where I feel I’m standing on right now. It
has a breath taken view, there are many shadows and sunrays. Waves come crashing and gravity takes them
back, kind of like the storms of our life. As I went over the pictures I took
during this trip (in my attempt to learn how to) I stared at this one many
times and said to myself this is it, this I how my world feels right about now.
I know God created this moment for us, and placed us in this
journey for a reason, it may take a lifetime for us to know the why of all of
our tears, or we may not ever know until we are with the Father. But until then
I will cling to His promises, and His love. Right now the waves seems to be
crashing pretty hard and some even take us down. But like in this picture I can
the sun shining, that sun shining is God, and one day ill get out of this pier
and walk in calmer waters. In more certain waters perhaps, but until then ill
get up every chance I get to grasp for air to keep going. Each wave makes me
stronger, makes my faith stronger, and if that’s all I get from this, ill take
it.
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| DR mission Trip, June 2014 |
-- On another note, I thought about the time I heard Gods
whisper to adopt--- if was over a year ago, I was on a mission trip to the DR,
and I love babies (I always have) and they seem to like me. So as the baby
lover that I am, I picked up every baby I could, and held them close to my
heart, rocked them, sung to them, some fell asleep on my arms. Then, as I
looked into their so very soft skin, innocent eyes, gentle gaze. I knew, I
could love any baby even if they did not come from our loins just as my own,
and that’s when I knew I wanted to adopt. Because if I could feel this love for
these completely strangers’ babies, I could love one or two, or more just as
much and call them my own some day.
So there is not doubt
in my heart that God did call us to adopt, and for that I am honored beyond
words, and continue to pray each and every day for that dreamed day to come to
reality.
PS: I thank my husband Jason everyday for shaking the nonsense out
of me, when I become desperate, and try to do things on “my own” instead of
letting God be God. –
Friends everyday I know more that God truly picked this man
for me, he knew exactly what I would need now and he has that, everything that
I need when I need it(strength, sense, love, comfort, etc..). If He picked him and picked me for him, how can I doubt
that he has a child picked up for us, and that He will make a way for us to
meet him/her one day?
I can’t imagine if he would of given me the man one I
thought was the one…. He’s rejection is His way of protecting us, and leading
us to what He has for us. So trust in
his rejection…
Verses that have spoken to me
“Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take
courage; wait for the Lord!”- Psalm 27:14
Because “God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but
one of power, love, and sound judgment” 2Timothy 1:7
“ For the vision is yet for the appointed time; it testifies
about the end and will no lie. Though it DELAYS, WAIT FOR IT, since it will
certainly COME AND NOT BE LATE”- Habakkuk 2: 3
--HE IS NEVER LATE!!! --
With Love,
Laura
