Friday, October 24, 2014

Roller Coaster of Emotions

A roller coaster of emotions

We got on the adoption ride knowing that we will have ups and downs, times where nothing really happens and we are on a flat road, then suddenly comes a hill with a fall right after. As we climb those hills we know that we have to hold tight to God’s word and His promise, and be each other’s fortress.

I recently read a blog about adoption (I like to cry apparently, since I look for readings that have that effect), but in all of the stories across the nation I hear words that give me hope, and advice. When we pray as we go through the adoption ride, I personally struggle with knowing what to really pray for. This has become true especially in the past month that we have received 5 different birth mom profiles; from which we have sent of profile book to two of them and neither one of them chose us. It sounds harsh, but we know a rejection is Gods protection, and even though we KNOW that GOD will give us the baby that is meant to be ours, it is still painful and difficult.  Our weeks sometimes go a little like this: our consultant Teri sends us an email with a birth-mom’s profile in it ( YAY WE GET EXCITED AND SIT ON OUR COUCH TO READ THROUGH  IT TOGETHER) we wage the pros and cons and get our hopes up and envision the rest of our life in 5 minutes, (It’s going to be a girl and because of the race may look like such and such, Jason think he will be a protective dad of his little girl, I imagine myself making her bows and buying her beautiful dresses) then we send our book with our entire heart and hope in it and PRAY that the birth mom will find in our book and in us what she wants for adoptive parents for her child.  Then we wait and wait and wait for her to pick a family, then nothing happens and she changes her mind about adoption (SADNESS). Next week another profile comes via email (YAY AGAIN) this time is a boy due in a certain date that sounds perfect, OMG mommies love their little boy and Jason would have the best time playing sports with him on and on and on we AGAIN envision the rest of our life in a glance. AGAIN we send the book and hope this time she may pick us. Thankfully she decided within a day of looking through potential adoptive parent’s profile books, and it was NOT US AGAIN. (SADNESS).
Three different one came through that we decided not to pursue for multiple reasons, but those two really touched something in our heart we never felt before. And we found ourselves praying for a different thing every day.

So we wonder- what should we even be praying for?

That we would get a new birth-mom profile soon? That wherever she maybe she is taking care of herself and the baby? That she may find an agency that can direct her to us? That the baby is safe in utero and so is the mom? That this may happen soon? That when she sees our profile she may see in us the love, home, future, and family that we can give to this child?

WE JUST DON’T KNOW! So we pray for everything, especially for Gods protection, for His Love to be in the birth moms heart, for Him to give her strength, for Him to comfort us in our waiting, for Him to keep the baby safe at all cost.  Most importantly for HIM to show us who that is, our awaited and prayed for child.   

As we wait we prepare too! The room is picked out, and the closet is getting filled with blankets that my mom is making nonstop (she’s so excited to be a grandmother), we have Jason’s baby stuff in the room hoping to pass them down.  We got a cute bassinette that my mom is making a cover to be soft and cozy for it that will be in the room VERY SOON, so that we may look at it and pray even more for our baby, and envision him/her sleeping peacefully in it as we both watch him/her sleep.

As the days go by God has shown us His provision for our adoption through the faces and gifts of perfect strangers (what better way?)

During our bake sale people came out of know where that we did not know and gave us money just because they wanted to contribute to our adoption fund, GOD IS GREAT! We are so thankful for such acts of kindness of the people that have contributed. From those who did the baking to those who bought the baked goodies, we know Gods hands and work are all over this, and in it we find comfort and peace.  

WE are praying that we may receive one of those very exciting emails soon from our consultant with another birth mom profile and that A MATCH will happen soon!!

Thank you for reading, for caring, and praying!!!

1 comment:

  1. I am interested to know if you have a child through adoption now! <3